the fraternal order of the handsome boy.

ive been watching you from afar
my breath on the inside window as you walk in from the car
candy caned lies in red and white against clashing patterns bending in and out of understanding.
"youre the stranger ive been dreaming of", stranger than any ive ever known.
love through a telescopic lens. when the air is clear i can see how perfect you are for me.
late at night when the city sleeps i cast a spell on you
to make you think of me the very same way i think of you.
i only love how the words feel in my head when i write them.
fireworks over the valley.
how can i tell you i gut people for a living.
that everything you say is likely to end up as evidence when i rewrite history.
over and over again.
how everything you do reminds me of something else, someone else.
how i get paid to be humble and arrogant at the same time,
to be chased and never caught.
that i just want to stay up late and wake up early to talk to you.
that i want to show you all of my jealousy and insecurity and have you not care.
youre like a light switch and i just want to turn you on and watch them all shrink away.
the words come out of my fingertips on impulse. it is instinct.
my head cant keep up.
i envy the comatose. i admire the bedridden.

i am addicted to the way i feel when i think of you.


"im blowing smoke rings around the moon...."

i wish i was the exact opposite of how the world knows me.