flashflashflash.

we go back down the vermin hole.

"dying is what makes life feel so important"

i only wish i could mean more than the hair raising on your neck or the angel and devil on whichever shoulder you choose. peter pan afternoons in the breeze of the suburbs of chicago. i hope were your mayflower. i hope were your plymouth rock. black magic and all. lets make a pact. it always starts with some small "i" and ends with an apology or "im just seeing the world"- i need to become me. you know what i mean? if i dream, i hope i dream of this.

"the dreams in which im dying are the best ive ever had. i find it hard to tell. i find it hard to take. its such a very very..."

shutter shutter click click. the dancefloor looks so much better when youre on it. even three thousand miles away. split one between the two of us. ruby red out of your nose. its so pretty. diamonds in crimson. we are this city. swapping spit. they wouldnt get it. because love aint a headline. now boarding seatng group one (of a kind). less writing more living. i cant wait for this weekend.

i am forever blowing bubbles....

you'd give it all up for an arm and a leg, the right ones that is. or you'd throw it all away for a deep breath of air off of the coast, salty and warm. i am forever playing musical chairs with hotels and rooms and sometimes even hearts. it looks like the set of some play off of the balcony. the buldings dont look real. the lights are too yellow, the grays are too clean. walked in the rain today. thought it would clear my head. wash it out. but it didnt. it only served to make it more foggy. a noah with out the ark, lion with out the jungle kind of thing. its a lonely thing to be loved(hated) by everyone. i love the way my name sounds when it come out of your mouth and crackles through my phone. i know its strange. i want to write more but it wont come out right.

i promised a continuation. i guess i didnt. not to you but to myself. i am filing the past year of my life right now. writes and wrongs. "potions for foxes" is going through my head. it is time to find a dancefloor or a movie to watch im not sure. im all over the place in all of the worst ways. i find myself missing you before i have even left. i dont want to go.

"youre bad news my friends all say youre bad news... but i like you..... we're all just potions for foxes..."

what floor is Brigitte Bardot on again?

everything reminds me of you. i have to keep this city awake. sleep soon i hope. i only remember the things i planned on saying after i hang up the phone.

"my love is electric..."

new york has been insane. the monkey on my back. personified by simi. he was amazing. all of the pictures where it looks like me and joe are kissing him are actually us blowing on his face, it kept him calm and sorted. he is in love with hot air being blown in his mouth- and besides who could ever expect us to dress in some designed bullshit for anything- 1880s represent. capes and monocles. but he represented us. i just cant even say the way the tears welled up in my eyes when i realized we could never be let down by you guys. everytime i think youre over us or whatever. it just makes me stutter. sorry for sounding stupid. im a bit tired. we have some cool things in store.

back to the studio this weekend. we will be back next year with new songs that might catch your ear if we are lucky.

smiles can come in the most unlikely of places. i am letting myself be happy. so thank you. i adore the reflection of the way you see me, even if i dont believe it. yes, i have a mullet. yes, i think of you far too much.

i promise you that you will love the new cobra starship record. the perfect soundtrack to makeout until dawn and drive home listening to. it will change your insides.

youd never guess but you made me bloom. by accident.

congratulations to our good friends in panic at the disco, 30 seconds to mars and all american rejects.

happy bday, joey t.

"tonight... i am a drug you cant deny...."

i miss hemingway. but honestly, thank you.

plain jane and the boy next door.

there is one single pair of eyes that could ever decode any of this.

put another "x" on the calander. summer is on its deathbed. there is simply nothing worse than knowing the ending- that no matter what curve balls or uphill battles come your way- it still turns out the same. this year its stripes and pumps, last year it was dancefloors and you. she keeps talking, i keep staying the same. did you ever change your mind about someone and then just realize it was a fucking haircut. put me in a frame on your wall, just to keep me out of trouble. i gotta say i admire bob dylan for being honest about his new record. noone ever is. its like when the ad campaign rolls out everyone is smiling and at their best even if they are not sure. an affectionate friend told me everything i ever needed to know about anything.
"freeze! put down that fucking laptop!". everything is always either digging a hole or digging yourself out of one. and just when you have it all figured out you should just sift through your pile of "never again"s. quite a collection. blow off the dust. im sure they will be worth something to someone sometime. its buzzing in the back of your head and out your fingertips. pull back the shade- the road outside of my house is paved with good intentions. but it is hell on the undercarriage of the car so we're gonna have to hire a construction crew. i wonder if anyone else thinks of you as much as i do, even you.

"If I should call you up, invest a dime
And you say you belong to me and ease my mind
Imagine how the world could be, so very fine
So happy together...


a mutual misunderstanding. kaleidoscope eyes sparkle on pillows in the dark. and i dont care what anyone thinks of that except me. put the love on hold, anticipation is on the other line and excitement called while you were out.

imagine me and you.....

i miss planes but i miss you more.

sid and nancy.