we put the fun in funeral

Sunday, June 25, 2006

i am your best imaginary friend. (white lies, gray love).

at the end of it the only thing that we are promised in life is a hole in the ground. sometimes it gets you through the rough patches just to think that you could change someone. it makes you love them to think that they would change for you. but like i said before its more like the james bond series than anything else- different actors, same character. same shitty dialogue, same shitty songs for the same hearts. and anyone that says any different is a goddamned liar or worse, is just too much of an optimist to pay anything mind. talking to you is like selling fire in hell. it can be done, but youre probably gonna have to tell a few white lies to make it happen. and anyone that changes only does it in front of your eyes and changes back when in the blackness of their own room. anyone can paint a gutter to make it look like gold. it only feels strange when the paint washes away. "love me with your head, not your heart". cigarettes on window sills. i love the way the smoke curls off of your lips. it makes me think we are in a period piece until the lexus hybrid drives by the front of your house. its efficient, just like you. went to the pride parade today just because i wanted to be somewhere and not fit in with everyone else. besides no one gives a compliment like a drunk gay man. when you are thinking about the first place where it all went wrong- please keep me in mind. you are ancient history- whichever side of this sentence you are on doesnt feel so great. you lob reassurance at me only im playing a different game. sometimes you just want to know that all is okay with the world and that you can sleep tight. only it never is when you need it to be. i keep talking and never say a thing. sleep easy. be well.

i am still. i cant think of a single thing. it hits me like a wave. get me out of my mind.

"ransom notes keep falling at your mouth
mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
speak no feeling no i don't believe you
you don't care a bit you don't care a bit"

i am a sentimental pessimist, dont believe the fucking smile ever.

love,

the hot mess.